Dealing with an early-stage mental breakdown

Disclaimer: this article talks about a mental breakdown which is different from the disorder. I should probably apologize for the misleading title and lower expectations of people suffering from this. I send you all my love and best wishes.

Don’t overthink, be happy! — Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash

This is targeted at student-makers and teen-makers. Even more for the misfits, the rebels, and the troublemakers as Steve Jobs would have described. For those who started understanding personal differences and extraordinary abilities very early-on in life.

You may have felt misunderstood by everybody in your circle, even more in society, and ostracized. I vividly remember elementary school — being identified as a “hacker who entertains by hacking friends’ email addresses” (the school principal’s words). If you know me a bit, you know I don’t know even a bit about hacking, let alone SQL injection. That was the first time I understood that being different is a superpower but an incredible weakness in some cases.

Fast forward, I’m now in a way better environment where most people are kind and curious. We share some empowering energy. Why would I write this article if everything’s great now? Well, you know it’s not all bright. Let’s dig in.

What can cause the kind of mental breakdown I’m facing?

I should define what I call a mental breakdown — far from the real definition of mental illness (where I want to spread love and energy to every person facing this). I define a mental breakdown (or an early-stage one) as a state where you don’t want to do anything, and you’re looking for a meaning. An unexpected state that can last, where you feel like you’re a piece of shit and what you do is useless. A kind of adolescence crisis happening lately.

What does this state lead to? You start isolating from others. You spend more time inside your thoughts than in the real world. Above all, you start listing everything wrong in your life. Negative self-talk. You stop thinking of what’s positive and become another pessimistic person. This is the worst thing to do, both in life and to leave this state of mind.

How to stop thinking this way?

Identify the root cause — Weariness? Looking for results but still nothing? Love? Lack of meaning? Doubts (will I regret? am I wrong?)? Whatever the root cause, you can move away from it by externalizing and finding a new focus point in your head.

Materialize your thoughts — All your thoughts are flying randomly in your mind. The best way to sort them is to externalize. Draw, paint, sing, compose, write. Don’t be shy with yourself — this can be shared if you want, but it’s easier knowing you keep it for you, as long as you don’t end up with silly thoughts.

Talk — You shouldn’t keep everything for you, you’ll just get more overwhelmed. Find someone (maybe more than one) to talk to and express how you feel. You can talk to close friends, family members, Twitter friends, or a specialist. Find what works best for you. Feel free to only talk about one of your problems to each person, so you don’t feel too weak — I know this can happen.

Document — It’s frustrating to have something you don’t understand. You’re trying to figure out what didn’t work, but you’re at a stage where it’s too early to understand the exact break point. Read scientific papers, books, blog posts. Listen to podcasts, TED Talks. Learning from previous experiences is the best way to understand it’s not your fault. You’re more valuable than you think you are right now. The perfect time to get back on track and discover something new.

Break the routine — As a French singer once said: “how do you want to heal if you’re around what makes you sick?”. You have to break the routine — do different things and do things differently.

Sports — Without going into all the long-term benefits you read everywhere, in the short term sport brings happiness and wellbeing. You’ll have more self-confidence. Talking about self-confidence: it’s great to work on this, so go to events that make you uncomfortable. Don’t go to one you know will be uncomfortable the whole time, but find one that’s a little stretch and could be great. Like going to an after-work.

What you shouldn’t do (unless you want to keep being in a vicious circle)

Work all day long — Focusing your brain on work removes the unwanted thoughts you have, but in the end it just emphasizes your mental state. Plus you bring tiredness from work (and passion in my case).

Keep your routine — Why would you do this? It’s what caused the breakdown. Get rid of what led to it. I know how easy it is to stay in your comfort zone, but I know how dangerous this is.

Isolate yourself — It’s great to isolate when you want time to think and let your brain breathe and be creative. What isn’t great is isolating yourself because you think nobody will understand how you feel. Seeing people and your environment is a powerful tool to refresh your brain. Go for a walk.

Forget, forgive, and rebuild on the same pattern — “Errare humanum est, perseverare diabolicum” as we say. Taking the same people, acting the same way, repeating everything — you know how it will end. This isn’t always true in business, but when the break point has been reached, take a step back so you’re not affected the same way. If you want to take this path anyway, be sure to have distance — that will make you more powerful than before.

This is temporary, and it takes a lot of work to get back on track. See the good point: in the end you will have learned new things and gained distance. In my case, it was related to both human and work. If you’re in this case, cut toxic relationships, take a step back, move on. You are more powerful than you think. Be kind to others — you will win the long-term race.

Thanks to Minal C., Ali Salah and Romain Penchenat for proofreading.